How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize