Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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