Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
