My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
