You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
