Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
