I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm passing your future prison.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
