He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Semen is not good for contacts.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
