did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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