Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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