I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
