Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Four minutes until I can fart!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
