no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
