Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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