Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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