Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
