yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
