You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
