just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
