I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
