my phone needs a breathalizer
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
