I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
