I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
