don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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