would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
