You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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