Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't turn off my feet"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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