dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
