So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
