i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
