Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
