I want to make a zoo with you.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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