Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
