turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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