No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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