Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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