just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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