I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
