dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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