so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
