I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
