I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize