I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
