You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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