Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
