if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
