So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize