I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
