Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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