Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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