My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
