I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
