I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
