I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
