I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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