Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My pussy is not your playground.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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