Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
