Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
