I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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