Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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