I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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