My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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