Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
