A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
