I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
