I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
