Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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