my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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