She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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