its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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