Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
