you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
