You smell like stripper and shame
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize