Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
